Source: http://nychaplain.wordpress.com
I’ve been traveling a lot in the last few years of my life speaking to different communities both in the United States and abroad. In at least the last two years of my travels, there hasn’t been a lecture or event that I’ve participated in that hasn’t introduced me to at least one young woman (and usually more) that has been abused in some way during her life and, subsequently, doesn’t know what to do about it.
Rape, molestation, beatings, verbal abuse, emotional distress, the issues continue on end. In most instances, the hardest part of it all seemingly stems from the young woman being unable to find someone to speak to about it. And so she will follow suit unknowingly to those who came before her and experienced similar abuses, left to talk only to herself. Critical questions of why it happened to her in the first place now take on the form of self criticism, and in most instances the young girl will begin to blame herself for everything that has happened. Why did my husband hit me? Why did my uncle take advantage of me? Why did my husband cheat on me? Why did that boy end up not marrying me after having an intimate relationship with me? Perhaps it is my fault and I deserve it.
As a Muslim man, I can say its already difficult enough to understand how to be Muslim in the context of the United States. I think its also important for us to acknowledge that most of us haven’t grown up being taught how to be men. If you are a man and you are reading this, at no point in time should you ever think its ok to hit a woman.
I spoke at the University of Pennsylvania on the topic of Dealing with Domestic Violence in the Muslim Community a couple of weeks ago. You can hear some of my thoughts on the subject matter in the videos below. Please do share with others if you think its worth it. I’ll write something more in depth in the future.
Real Men Don’t Hit Women Pt1 - w/Khalid Latif from Khalid Latif on Vimeo.
Real Men Don’t Hit Women Pt2 - w/Khalid Latif from Khalid Latif on Vimeo.
Its a strange concept, for the mind to comprehend
but the heart beats strong and aches with no amend
Missing Him, with every beat
Craving his presence through every defeat
Tears pour down, for this Beloved Soul
I want you near me now, before I lose control
The Man who helped those in need
the Man who, by Allah’s will, guided people away from violence and greed
He made every one He met feel worthy of living
Gave them hope in Allah, the Merciful and Forgiving
He soothed the souls and cooled the eyes
He wouldn’t tolerate behavior filled with deceit and hurtful lies
Today I close my eyes, and imagine him near
I’ve never seen his face, but his silhouette I can see clear
What would He do today, if He was here with us
to witness the deceit–the lies–the human lives lead by lusts
I ask Allah to forgive, you and I tonight
May he cause us to be of those who in His cause we fight
not a fight with swords–guns and other weapons
a fight of a soul who is preparing to be reckoned
Its a strange concept, for the mind to comprehend
but the heart beats strong and aches with no amend
Missing Him, with every beat
Craving his presence through every defeat
Missing the Man I never Met
But even that aching pain, is a God send.
There is a story which Jalaluddin Rumi tells of an ant that’s creeping across the carpet in a mosque, and the ant complains to God saying: “what is this, these bumps, and strange colours, and patterns, this must have been created just as a meaningless obstacle course, what a futile thing to have made.” But of course the carpet maker, looking at it from above can see the patterns and the purpose of it, and can see that the whole thing is perfect and is good. And Allah is often like that. We often can’t make sense of the misfortunes because we are too dimensional, we are at ground level, we can’t see what it all means, but the khalifa of Allah subhanahu wa’tala knows even if he can’t always see that this is a manifestation of Allah’s will which is always good and always perfect and always beautiful. ~ Shaykh Abdal Hakim Murad
taken from here
Rocks hold firm while water’s might
Sends pebbles rolling left and right.
Call pebbles rock? Set firm their goal?
First flash flood, still pebbles roll.
Not name, nor goal divide the two.
It’s how they act. It’s what they do.
Size dictates to stone, but you’re in control.
Are you rock or pebble? Will you hold or roll?
- Manly Grant from Rhymes for the Land
Amazing piece of advice taken directly from a talk that Dr. Abdal Hakim Jackson gave the 2010 RIS Convention.
“Please Brothers and Sisters, have some mercy on your scholars, your imams,
your activists–Brothers and Sisters. You have no idea of some of the
pressures they are under. You have no idea how thinly they are spread. You
have no idea of what they have to confront on a daily basis. They have to
confront you, as the Muslims—they have to confront the non Muslims. They’re
away from their families. They have families too—they have children too—they
have pressures too, and they need your support. And if you can’t agree with
them—fine—at least make dua for them. Make dua for their families. […]keep
them in your prayers. Pray that Allah protects their families in their
absence. Pray that Allah not allow the pressures of trying to contribute to
this ummah not be enough to rip their families apart. Please brothers and
sisters, pray for your leaders, prayer for your imams, pray for your
scholars—and don’t forget them in your dua.”
Dr. Yusuf al-Qaradawi wrote:
“The method that I’ve employed over the course of my entire life is: That I seek to build and I don’t destroy, I unify and I don’t divide; I leave [other scholars] to make their own choices, and I will not force my opinions and legal conclusions on them, nor will I let them force me to follow their opinions and legal verdicts. If Allah [The exalted] ordered His noble Messenger [may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him] to say to those of other faiths, “To you is your religion, and to me is my religion” then how could I not say to my own Muslim brothers: “To you is your opinion and to me is mine, and to you are your actions and to me are mine?”
taken from here
“When a child has a tantrum and cries for chocolates and sweets, a mother will not give in. She knows what is more beneficial for her child and will only give that.
At that time, not giving chocolates and sweets is what is best for the child.
Similarly, when we cry and beg Allah ta’ala to answer our prayers we receive nothing but goodness.
If we do not get what we ask for, we should believe that there is definitely wisdom behind our not getting it, and some benefit for us.
We must accept and believe that any decision Allah ta’ala makes for us is for our own well-being and benefit.” -Shaykh Mohammad Saleem Dhorat
and for Allah is the highest of examples
By Edgar Albert Guest
I have to live with myself and so
I want to be fit for myself to know.
I want to be able as days go by,
always to look myself straight in the eye;
I don’t want to stand with the setting sun
and hate myself for the things I have done.
I don’t want to keep on a closet shelf
a lot of secrets about myself
and fool myself as I come and go
into thinking no one else will ever know
the kind of person I really am,
I don’t want to dress up myself in sham.
I want to go out with my head erect
I want to deserve all men’s respect;
but here in the struggle for fame and wealth
I want to be able to like myself.
I don’t want to look at myself and know that
I am bluster and bluff and empty show.
I never can hide myself from me;
I see what others may never see;
I know what others may never know,
I never can fool myself and so,
whatever happens I want to be
self respecting and conscience free.
[ Part I :: Part II :: Part III]
I was reading a book (The Etiquette of Seeking Knowledge by Shaykh Bakr Aboo Zayd) and came across a few interesting points. This is basically my summary of what I read…so if there are mistakes it is most likely my fault.
Forsake Luxury
Umar ibn al-Khattab said “So beware of [excess] comfort, and imitating the appearance of the ‘ajam, and toughen yourselves, and roughen yourselves…”
Don’t become overly inclined to an environment which excessively relaxes the nerves, and ties you down with ropes of false hopes. “While serious people reach their destiny, you are still in your place over-concerned about the elegance of your dress.” Simply because something is not haraam or makruh does not mean it is something of good conduct nor something that is looked up upon.
Be ware of your outward appearance. What you wear expresses to others: your standing in what you are affiliated to, your upbringing, and your taste. It was said “The outside appearance leads to [one's] inner inclination.”
So wear that which adorns you and is not something unattractive, and do not give people an excuse to talk about you or criticize you. What you wear will actually effect how people see you and will effect how your knowledge is benefited from (by the people). What you wear can actually be a means for guiding people to the truth (subhanAllah!). Umar ibn Al-khatab said “It is more beloved to me to see the learned person in a white garment.”
Ibn Taymiyya said people are “..like flocks of birds naturally disposed to imitating one another”–so beware from dressing in a juvenile fashion.
Avoid Gatherings of vain speech
“Do not stand on the carpet of those who carry out detestable acts at their places of gatherings, and tear the veil of morality, and pretending to be unaware of [your actions], and if you do, then your crime, against knowledge and its people, is a grave one.”
Avoid Commotion (Hayshaat)
Protect yourself from riotous and clamorous behavior–because from these behaviors comes mistakes, and it opposes the etiquette of seeking knowledge.
Adorn yourself with gentleness
Be gentle in speech, avoid harsh words, for gentle speech wins over hostile personalities. An example of this is in the ayah:
و الحمد لله رب العالمين